


Aftermath

by remanth



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Casifer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-04 02:32:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6637516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remanth/pseuds/remanth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Sam finally get Lucifer back in the cage. Now, they just have to deal with the aftermath. Specifically, Dean has to deal with the feelings Cas had that led him to say yes in the first place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aftermath

Two days. Two days since they had managed what seemed like the impossible and yanked Lucifer out of Cas. Two days since the devil had been shoved back in his cage, with the enthusiastic if terrified help from Rowena. She’d bolted after that, disappearing as if she had never been there in the first place. To be honest, Dean didn’t even notice. All of his attention was on Cas, slumped over in the middle of the warding symbol they’d spraypainted on the floor of the warehouse they’d lured him to. Dean had no idea why Amara had let him go nor did he care. All he cared about was Cas.

With Sam’s help, they hoisted up Cas’s still limp body and headed out to the Impala. Surrendering the keys for one of the few times he could remember, Dean slipped into the backseat with Cas. He cradled the unconscious angel’s head the whole way back to the bunker, barely taking his eyes from Cas’s face. The only times he looked up were to meet Sam’s eyes in the rearview mirror when his brother asked him how Cas was doing and to check to see if they were close to the bunker yet. The whole drive, Cas lay as still and silent as a statue, his chest rising and falling with his breathing but barely.

Once at the bunker, Dean had carried Cas in himself. Sam had hovered, a worried expression making his face look like a kicked puppy. Walking with steady steps through the bunker, Dean brought Cas to his own room and settled him on the bed. Then, he’d dragged the chair that usually sat against the wall to the side of his bed and sat in it with the air of a man prepared to wait until judgement day. Which, to be fair, had already come and gone for them. Sam waited a few minutes in Dean’s doorway, shifting his worried eyes from Cas to Dean and back again. After silence that Dean refused to break and Cas couldn’t, Sam had opened his mouth to speak.

“Don’t, Sammy,” Dean had said, shaking his head. “Just don’t. Not right now.”

Sam had shaken his head in turn and closed the door quietly. Either Cas would wake up or he wouldn’t and there was nothing either he or Dean could do to help him along. After having Lucifer, and later a hallucination of the devil, in his head, Sam knew the damage the archangel could wreak. Who knew what Cas had gone through having Lucifer possess him? There was even a chance that if the angel did wake up, he wouldn’t be the same person as he was before. Lucifer might have shredded his mind to bits just for the fun of it. All they could do was wait, hope, and pray to a God they knew wasn’t listening anymore.

Finally, on the second day, Cas had woken up. Sam had heard Dean’s excited voice from the kitchen where he was making a quick lunch for the both of them. Since settling Cas on his bed and sitting next to him, Dean hadn’t left his room at all. Sam had taken it upon himself to bring meals to Dean, things he knew his brother loved, in an effort to get him to eat. Most of the food was left on the plate but Dean ate a little. Enough to keep him going over the past two days.

Dropping the piece of bread he’d been holding for the sandwich half-made on the counter, Sam rushed back to Dean’s room and opened the door. He found Cas sitting up on Dean’s bed, enfolded in Dean’s arms as the elder Winchester hugged him hard. Neither knew he was there and it looked like a private moment, so Sam closed the door and went back to finish making the sandwiches. He could join in on the reunion later. He put two sandwiches in the refrigerator on a plate, even though Cas probably didn’t need to eat. If he didn’t, Dean probably would eat it himself. He had to be hungry after barely eating the past two days. He took his own sandwich into the library to catch up on some reading. He ate absently while reading a book on demons, careful to avoid getting crumbs on the pages.

A much shorter time than he would have expected later, Sam heard footsteps making their slow and unsteady way to the kitchen. A second set of footsteps followed behind, steadier but just as slow. Well, sounded like Dean and Cas had finished with their reunion. Sam only hoped they had actually _talked_ rather than just stared at each other with everything they wanted to say trapped behind their eyes. Setting the book on the arm of the chair he was sitting on, Sam took the remains of his sandwich and headed into the kitchen. There, he found Cas standing at the sink with a glass of water in his hand and Dean sitting at the table eating one of the sandwiches. The other was sitting in front of an empty chair.

“Hey, Cas, good to see you man,” Sam said, pulling out a chair and spinning it to sit on it backwards. He crossed his arms over the back of the chair and rested his weight on his elbows as he studied Cas. “How you feeling?”

“A bit... stretched,” Cas replied honestly, head tilted to the side as he contemplated the water in his glass. He wouldn’t meet Sam’s eyes and acted as if Dean wasn’t in the kitchen at all. “Containing Lucifer seems to have done no lasting damage to my vessel however.”

“That’s good,” Sam said, glancing at Dean. He could read his brother easily thanks to all the time spent on the road and in crappy motels. There was a tenseness in Dean’s shoulders, a misery in his eyes that told Sam that they hadn’t talked out what they needed to. Even Cas seemed not quite himself, still staring into the water in his glass and not meeting anyone’s eyes. “It’s gotta feel good to be back, huh?”

“I suppose,” Cas replied dubiously, taking a drink of water. It looked like an automatic reaction, a way of avoiding further conversation. “I think I’ll go lay down again. While there was no lasting damage, it was an exhausting experience.”

Without another word, Cas set the glass down and headed out of the kitchen. Sam turned on his chair to watch him go, one eyebrow quirked up in confusion. This wasn’t what he had expected at all. Surely Cas would have been happy to be free of Lucifer, right? Even though he’d said yes to the archangel in the first place, it had to be better to be himself again. Sam turned back to Dean, propping his chin on one hand as he watched his older brother eat. Dean was eating mechanically, barely even looking at his food. Which was not at all like Dean.

“So,” Sam started, surprised when Dean looked up with startled eyes. “You and Cas didn’t talk a whole lot after he woke up, huh? I expected you guys to be in your room talking about what happened longer than you were.”

“Cas won’t talk about it,” Dean replied, voice distant. He took another bite of his sandwich and chewed slowly. The silence stretched on, Sam waiting for whatever else Dean wanted to say while Dean methodically demolished his sandwich. It wasn’t until the sandwich was gone that Dean spoke again. “The first thing he said was why? Why did we banish Lucifer when he could have helped. Seemed kind of put out, really.”

“Really?” Sam asked, a thread of worry running through him. The mindset Cas was in seemed familiar, a fatalistic “well this is the only way so I should sacrifice myself and maybe save others. I’m not worth it, they are” way of thinking that Sam knew intimately. Dean had talked him back from that, more than once. Maybe he could do the same for Cas. “You should talk to him. Even if he doesn’t talk back. Convince him it was the best thing.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Dean said, glancing over at the sandwich he’d placed at the empty seat for Cas before dragging the plate over to him. He started eating that sandwich, ignoring any other overtures Sam made at conversation. Finally, fed up, Sam got up to try and talk to Cas. As soon as he took a step, his phone started ringing.

“Hey Garth, what’s up?” Sam asked, answering the phone after looking at the display. “You need help? Why, what can a hunter do that a bunch of werewolves can’t? Oh yeah? Right, right, yeah. No, I’ll start heading out there. See you then.”

“Garth hunting?” Dean asked, halfway through the second sandwich.

“Yeah, apparently a witch is in the area and she’s hunting the werewolves,” Sam replied, shaking his head as he pocketed his phone. “They can’t take her out because she’s protected by wolfsbane and all sorts of amulets. Meanwhile, she takes them out one by one. I’m gonna head out, take that Chevelle I’ve been working on.”

“You need a hand?” Dean asked, though his tone indicated he in no way wanted to leave the bunker.

“Nah, you stay here, watch over Cas,” Sam replied. Maybe get some talking done, he told himself. “I got this.”

Dean nodded and didn’t bother to look up as Sam walked away. He finished his sandwich and dropped the plates in the sink. They could stay there for a while. In the silence of the bunker, he could barely hear voices coming from the bedrooms. That would be Cas then, watching tv in one of the rooms. A part of Dean hoped Cas was in his room, stretched out safe and sound on his bed. Maybe on one side instead of the middle so Dean could join him and they could kill some time watching pointless tv shows. Maybe using those tv shows to segue into the conversation he wanted to have, the conversation they both needed to have and Cas was avoiding. Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Dean headed to his room.

Cas was indeed stretched out on Dean’s bed, wrapped up in his trenchcoat though his shoes were off. They rested neatly next to the bed. The trenchcoat made Cas look small, as if he was less than he was after being possessed by Lucifer. It would have worried Dean except he knew that the coat was a size or two too big and had always made Cas look like that. The remote for Dean’s little tv was in his hand and Cas was channel surfing, rarely staying on a station more than a minute or two.

“Hey,” Dean said, stepping into his room and moving towards the chair still next to the bed. But, instead of sitting in it, he moved it back to its place on the wall. “Want some company?”

Cas shrugged instead of answering and Dean took that for an assent. He perched on the edge of the bed, arguing with himself all the while. Always before, he’d kept a certain distance between him and Cas, a certain space so that he never reached too far. But now, he didn’t want that space anymore. Besides, he had a feeling that whatever it took to reach Cas, that space had to disappear. Finally, Dean slid back on the bed and leaned against the headboard. He crossed his legs at the ankles, mirroring Cas’s position, and stared at the tv. Cas had found an episode of Dr. Sexy on one of the stations and stayed there instead of flipping the channel. They watched in silence for a few minutes before Dean finally spoke.

“So, Cas, you sure you’re doing all right?” Dean asked, turning his head so he could watch Cas and the tv at the same time. “You’ve been pretty quiet.”

“I’m fine,” Cas replied shortly, not taking his eyes off the tv. “Why?”

“Why? Why what?” Dean repeated. “Why am I asking? I’m asking because I’m worried about you, Cas.”

“Don’t be,” Cas replied with a half-aborted little shrug. “There’s nothing for you to worry about. You accomplished your mission and locked Lucifer in the cage again. I assume there was a good reason for that. Amara is still out there.”

“Of course there was a good reason,” Dean snapped, turning on the bed to face Cas fully. “I wanted you free of him. You shouldn’t have said yes, Cas.”

“There was no other way, Dean,” Cas replied, shaking his head. “We have no other way of defeating Amara or even getting information about her. Lucifer was the only one of us who’d actually fought her before. Besides, I was best suited to being a vessel.”

“No, no you weren’t,” Dean replied angrily. “If we’re arguing suitable vessels, Sammy’s the most suitable. He’s Lucifer’s perfect vessel or whatever. But he said no because it wasn’t worth losing himself again and letting Lucifer loose on the world.”

“I had no other use,” Cas said sadly. “My brothers and sisters hate me, I am nowhere near as powerful as I once was, and I have ruined everything I’ve touched. Sacrificing myself to Lucifer was the only way I could see of stopping Amara.”

Suddenly restless, Cas dropped the remote on the bed and got up. He started to pace but found the effort exhausting. Instead, he leaned against the wall and tapped his fingers against his thigh. The sheer despair on his face sent a throbbing pain through Dean’s chest and belly. That was a face he was all too familiar with, having worn it himself more times than he could count. Seeing it on Cas’s face broke his heart. Something as beautiful and pure as an angel shouldn’t feel that.

“You see?” Cas continued, looking over at Dean but not meeting his eyes. “I did all I could as myself and it wasn’t enough. Every choice I made the wrong one, leading to more pain and death. Death from my hands as well as the repercussions of my actions. There was nothing I could do but say yes to Lucifer and hope he could stop Amara. No other use for me than as a vessel.”

“That’s not true, Cas,” Dean argued. He leaned forward on the bed in emphasis and started counting off points on his fingers. “I wanted to save you from Lucifer because I wanted you safe, Cas. You are more than just a vessel. You’re family, man. You belong here. You have more use, as you say, than being a vessel. All the knowledge you have at your fingertips, your fighting skills, your own unique view of the world.”

“Yet at every turn, I was pushed away and shut out,” Cas replied dryly. “You kicking me out of the bunker when I was human, being called only when you needed help, ignored every other time. Being used for my angelic abilities, the list goes on. Where in that tells me that I was family?”

“Look, Cas, I know things were difficult. Had I any other choices, you would have stayed in the bunker,” Dean said, shifting uneasily on the bed. Well, from Cas’s point of view, everything he said was perfectly valid. Dean had never said anything about needing anything more than Cas’s powers specifically, though he’d tried in his own way. Hadn’t been enough apparently. “But I always tried to make sure you were okay. When you called me after the angels fell, all I wanted to know was if you were okay, you remember?”

“And all the mistakes I’ve made, the bad decisions?” Cas said, taking another tack and dropping the first points. “Maybe being a vessel was my penance for that. Maybe I deserved it, as I deserved to stay in Purgatory. I’ve made so many mistakes, Dean. Those don’t go away.”

“You’ve made mistake, I’ve made mistakes, Sammy’s made mistakes,” Dean said, getting up and moving towards Cas. He stopped a few feet away when Cas seemed like he would move away. “Hell, _God’s_ made mistakes. That didn’t stop him from getting a whole religion formed around him. You deal with the mistake and you move on. It’s all any of us can do. I don’t care about the mistakes you made, Cas, and no one deserves to house the devil in their own body and mind.”

The incessantly-tapping fingers stopped as Cas wrapped his arms around his stomach. He looked even smaller now, standing against the wall in his stocking feet. Dean stepped closer, watching carefully to see if Cas would try to move away. When the angel didn’t, Dean moved up next to him and put a hand softly on his shoulder.

“You’re home and you’re you again,” Dean said softly, managing a small smile. “Ever since Lucifer possessed you, I’ve been looking for a way to free you. I missed you, Cas.”

“I remembered seeing you,” Cas said, still not meeting Dean’s eyes. “When you managed to bury Lucifer enough for me to come out. I remembered seeing your face. Then Crowley came and said you were trying to force Lucifer out. I thought it was because you had a better idea for fighting Amara. Not because you just wanted Lucifer out of me.”

Finally, Cas looked up and met Dean’s eyes. There were tears glimmering in them and Dean felt his heart break all over again. He couldn’t remember ever seeing Cas cry, hadn’t even known the angel was capable. Even seeing some of the pain the angel had been in before, he’d never seen tears. The hand that was still on Cas’s shoulder came up and cupped his cheek, thumb sweeping over his cheekbone.

“Look, I didn’t want you to say yes in the first place,” Dean said softly, still moving his thumb gently. “And I’m glad you’re free, whatever else it might mean. That was the most important thing.”

Cas stared at Dean for a few moments, eyes tracking over his face and looking for any evidence of lying. But Dean was absolutely serious and letting everything he felt show on his face. Whatever he saw must have reassured Cas because the next moment the angel was all but tumbling forward and wrapping his arms around Dean. Smiling, Dean steadied Cas with one arm around his waist and the other on his hip while Cas tucked his head against Dean’s shoulder. They stood like that for several timeless moments, tears wetting Dean’s shoulder as Cas cried out everything that had been tearing him up inside.

When the flood of tears stopped, they continued to stand there. Neither made a move to break their hug nor did they want to. Dean was content to hold Cas for as long as he needed, to reassure the angel that there was someone who cared about him and wanted him around for _him_. It’s what he’d been wanting to do for a long time anyways but had always held himself back. All the reasons he’d given himself then seemed so ridiculous now. After several more moments, though, Dean’s back twinged.

“Hey, Cas, how about we move back to the bed?” Dean suggested, turning his head to drop a kiss on the side of Cas’s head. It felt natural and smooth and he did it without a second thought. “It’ll be more comfortable.”

“Did, did you just kiss me?” Cas asked, still not stepping back and with a laugh bubbling under his words. As Dean stammered a little, trying to figure out what he wanted to say, the laugh rumbled out of his throat. “It’s all right. I liked it.”

“Well, good,” Dean said, unable to think of anything else. “Let’s go sit back on the bed then.”

They spent the rest of the day in Dean’s room, their bodies pressed together from shoulders to feet and their fingers twined together. Dean only got up to get food for both of them and to use the bathroom. As the hours passed, they talked here and there over commercials or boring parts of shows, slow and hesitant words that turned sure and confident. And as the small hours of the morning neared, Cas fell asleep again, his head pillowed on Dean’s shoulder.

Two days later, when Sam came back from the hunt, he looked for Dean and Cas immediately. He hoped they had talked through whatever issues they had and that Dean might actually have talked about feelings for once. He found them in Dean’s room again and couldn’t help a small, relieved smile when he saw them. Dean and Cas were on Dean’s bed, curled up around each other and sound asleep. Quietly, Sam closed the door and headed to the kitchen to make a snack. He whistled cheerfully in the kitchen, happy that one thing in Dean’s life was finally going right.


End file.
